Those Thoughts in my Head

Once I come into contact with reactionary people, regardless of if it is just a characteristic of the person, I am discovering I am tending to retreat in one way or another. It’s very interesting. Even though I know in my head that this person who is reacting may even be “acting” out of a joke, I find I will speak less readily to that person right after the outburst.
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What sort of attachment lesson did I miss growing up? I feel I missed something because there is something that interferes with good and healthy relationships that I now have. I am finding fears that are not grounded in reality (which I guess fears don't necessarily come out of fantasy always:)) that bring anxiety. I am finding I am so blessed with good people in my life. And my "adult" self really works on trying to keep those relationships healthy, but my little "child" is crying out for some reassurance. And I know I've got to teach the child that it's all okay. I just wish I knew that lesson that I can share. So I'll keep working and trying and praying that my relationships remain healthy and that I can be the best person to those people in my life.